It feels wrong to call this week ‘training’ as there was none of that actually going on. Yes, none. I didn’t run at all. Allow me to elaborate.
I started the week suffering from end-of-term-itis, a very serious condition known to teachers all over the world where you have no energy and no drive to do anything and all you can focus on is getting to the end of the week and the glorious, glittering holidays. That, combined with School Council on Tuesday night, meant my first run of the week was already getting pushed back.
Then I didn’t go out and do one on Wednesday either – ‘I’ll do it tomorrow’ I thought to myself. Thursday came and I was struck down with some combination of mystery germs that have been circulating around my classroom for weeks. I was in bed by 6pm and there was no way I was going to even go for a walk, let alone a run. I dragged myself through school on Friday, returning to my bed as soon as I got home.
I volunteered at our parkrun first birthday on Saturday and, had I not been volunteering, would have had another day in bed – running was definitely still not a possibility.
Sunday was the first day I was possibly capable of a run but mentally wasn’t up to it. And there’s the irony – those days when you’re mentally least able to drag yourself out the door are the days your mood most needs it. But it wasn’t to be. Instead, I spent the day haunted by all the thoughts that come when you can’t/don’t run – what if I’ve lost my fitness? What if I can’t get back into it? Why would I want to put myself through it anyway? What if all of this is a waste and I can’t finish the marathon?
Thankfully today is a new day and the start of a new training week. I’m happy to have written last week off and got the rest in that I so clearly needed. I knew I had to get out there today, just to ‘get back on the horse’ so to speak, even though I knew the horse would probably kick me in the attempt. It is here that I have to pause to thank 2 of my fabulous friends who helped me more than they can know. I was getting ready to go out, feeling very apprehensive and not at all up to tackling this when I got 2 messages from friends in quite quick succession, just checking in. It was exactly what I needed – knowing that I’m not alone in all of this and only have to whisper ‘help’ in their general direction for it to be forthcoming. And so, I ran. I won’t say this morning’s run was pretty but it was done and I couldn’t ask for more than that.